Seeking self, dropping anchor

You may have heard the term ‘triangles’ in systemic therapy before but what exactly does it mean?? Simply put, when tension develops between two people - a third person can be pulled in, in an attempt to ‘stabilise’ or ‘calm’ the tension between the 2. Then becoming what is known as a triangle, where the initial 2 people are then functioning in relation to the 3rd, dependent on the 3rd for relative & temporary harmony. There is often a pattern of 2 on the inside and 1 on the out, the person who is the outsider can shift depending on where the anxiety/tension presents. Like many Australians I grew up being a very big Silverchair fan, so I was fascinated to watch the recent series of Australian Story recounting the history of the band. What has occurred between the 3 band members is quite a clear example of a triangle. At different points in the bands career there has been significant anxiety/tension resulting in distance & now cut off. Chris & Ben have mended difficulties, n...

I’ve been working with quite a few couples at the moment around the challenges of co-parenting. It’s caused me to reflect on the concept of triangles & how this pattern can be so complex in scenarios where parental separation has occurred. A triangle is when a third party is pulled into a strained dyad in an attempt to manage & calm the stress within the dyad. So in co-parenting situations this is often a strained parent relationship, pulling a third (a child) in. Two examples I often see are: a child witnessing parent conflict/tension & responding with symptoms of illness or big behaviours which can unite the parents temporarily as they focus on supporting the child. a parent criticising the other parent to the child or pulling them into choosing a side, again temporarily relieving the parents stress as they feel validation or a sense of an ‘inside position’ with the child, putting the other parent on the ‘outer’. What can happen for the child over time is a hyper sensitiv...