Seeking self, dropping anchor

This meme made me laugh. It’s something a lot of mums can relate to, at times like a badge of honour amongst ourselves to say ‘hey without me this family would fall apart!’ We say we don’t want our family to function this way… and yet we are a part of the problem perpetuating this pattern (myself included). Laughing about it helps with the sting of the reality… but what if this could be real life & not fantasy fiction? It IS possible. Parents who can relate to this meme are likely people who tend to do for others things which they are capable to do for themselves - this is called over functioning. Over functioners tend to feel overly responsible for others & in doing so those on the receiving end can over time allow themselves to take a back seat with the understanding that ‘I don’t need to do that or learn how to manage that, because __ will do that for me’ - under functioning. See the reciprocity in this pattern? This pattern often results in resentment for the overfunctioner...

I wonder what this picture evokes for you? A lot of you will know this face well… whether it be your own child, your niece/nephew, grandchild or child your work with. Does it produce some discomfort? Do you want to soothe them, do you want to look away? I use this picture as an example of the incredible challenge of learning how to tolerate another’s distress for the purposes of enabling them to develop their own sense of self and life enhancing skill set. As a sleep deprived parent who has recently spent time teaching a 7 month old how to settle themselves to sleep I feel the emotion of this picture acutely. Sleep training is a great example of an instance where a parent is required to put their own distress of seeing their baby upset to one side for the sake of teaching the child a very important & necessary life skill, sleep When we rush in to “fix” every time our child (or anyone) is upset we are not giving them the very valuable opportunity of learning how to regulate themselv...

I haven’t been posting much here lately & that is because I am adjusting to life as a mother of a toddler & a newborn - one of my life’s greatest joys & greatest challenges all in one. Something I have been reflecting on during this phase is how I can remain clear on who I am & what my needs are at a time when my children’s needs (in particular my dependent 5 month old) feel all consuming. This is no easy task! Some days are purely about survival & that is okay, but when I have the capacity for it I give myself a moment to pause & check in with myself. My anxiety autopilot causes me to be some kind of mother martyr who is all things to all people & before I know it I hit burn out. Interrupting this behaviour for me has involved vulnerability that finds courage to ask for help & then accept it. Another area where I have been working on defining myself in how time is spent with my kids. Do I ever get to listen to my own music in the car or is it always Pep...