Seeking self, dropping anchor

This concept has been coming up in sessions a lot lately so I thought it would be worth discussing. Borrowing self refers to when we rely on external factors (most commonly, other people) to drive our motivations & behaviours. The 3 most common examples I hear in sessions are: the need for others approval/praise in order to perform well in a task or to be productive the need for others advice before doing our own thinking or making our own decisions the need for others to calm us down when we are feeling stressed or overwhelmed This reliance on others often results in anxiety as we cannot always guarantee it will work or that we will get what we are seeking from them. It also prevents us from building skills in areas where we are more vulnerable. One way of countering this would be to look for opportunities to grow self as appose to borrow it. Examples of what this could look like for the examples used above could be: finding motivation that is founded in our own values & princ...

I haven’t been posting much here lately & that is because I am adjusting to life as a mother of a toddler & a newborn - one of my life’s greatest joys & greatest challenges all in one. Something I have been reflecting on during this phase is how I can remain clear on who I am & what my needs are at a time when my children’s needs (in particular my dependent 5 month old) feel all consuming. This is no easy task! Some days are purely about survival & that is okay, but when I have the capacity for it I give myself a moment to pause & check in with myself. My anxiety autopilot causes me to be some kind of mother martyr who is all things to all people & before I know it I hit burn out. Interrupting this behaviour for me has involved vulnerability that finds courage to ask for help & then accept it. Another area where I have been working on defining myself in how time is spent with my kids. Do I ever get to listen to my own music in the car or is it always Pep...