Defining yourself when your self feels lost in your children

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I haven’t been posting much here lately & that is because I am adjusting to life as a mother of a toddler & a newborn - one of my life’s greatest joys & greatest challenges all in one.

Something I have been reflecting on during this phase is how I can remain clear on who I am & what my needs are at a time when my children’s needs (in particular my dependent 5 month old) feel all consuming. This is no easy task! Some days are purely about survival & that is okay, but when I have the capacity for it I give myself a moment to pause & check in with myself.
My anxiety autopilot causes me to be some kind of mother martyr who is all things to all people & before I know it I hit burn out. Interrupting this behaviour for me has involved vulnerability that finds courage to ask for help & then accept it.
Another area where I have been working on defining myself in how time is spent with my kids. Do I ever get to listen to my own music in the car or is it always Peppa pig? Do I ever get to engage in activities that I enjoy or am I always required to play with dolls? I realised recently that there was no balance & although it causes my toddler discomfort when I choose to take a turn for myself I’m glad that she is getting to learn more about her mum & share in things that I enjoy. It has led to precious moments such as her helping me water the garden and her being introduced to Bob Dylan (sadly she’s not a fan).

Questions for you:
  • How do you go with defining yourself in parenthood?
  • Are you aware of how your anxiety causes you to sacrifice your own needs sometimes?
  • Do you have a healthy balance between what your children enjoy & what you enjoy?

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