Understanding cut off: a backing away from the relationship system

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I attended a fascinating webinar put on by The Family Systems Institute yesterday with Dr Anne McKnight discussing the complex systemic process of cut off. Not to be mistaken with more commonly known term ‘estrangement’ cut off refers to the relationship process of managing tension in a relationship by backing away from it.


It’s purpose is to allow breathing room but it’s cost can be cutting off from a potential resource & lead to isolation. It can also have implications for how one functions in their own family.

Cut off usually occurs in relationships when there is little capacity to be able to strategies in the face of tension and emotionality & is a mechanism to reduce tension by severing contact.

It’s helpful to remember that when someone chooses to cut off they are just doing the best they can to adapt to the circumstances they face. However, in cut off we lose the valuable opportunity to work on our ability to manage difficulties in relationships.

In therapy this may involve assisting clients to thoughtfully re-engage with their family & find a way to do it differently - lowering the tension within the relationship.

Question for you:
  • Has there been cut off in your family? 
  • What’s your understanding of it?

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