Growing self or borrowing self?
This concept has been coming up in sessions a lot lately so I thought it would be worth discussing. Borrowing self refers to when we rely on external factors (most commonly, other people) to drive our motivations & behaviours. The 3 most common examples I hear in sessions are: the need for others approval/praise in order to perform well in a task or to be productive the need for others advice before doing our own thinking or making our own decisions the need for others to calm us down when we are feeling stressed or overwhelmed This reliance on others often results in anxiety as we cannot always guarantee it will work or that we will get what we are seeking from them. It also prevents us from building skills in areas where we are more vulnerable. One way of countering this would be to look for opportunities to grow self as appose to borrow it. Examples of what this could look like for the examples used above could be: finding motivation that is founded in our own values & princ...